Raphael Elisha MProfPsych, BPsychSc(Hons).
I am a registered psychologist with extensive training in couples and relationship therapy. I use Schema Therapy, an evidence-based approach, which helps people to identify and change deeply ingrained behavioural patterns that can interfere with the quality of their relationships.
​
The goal of my practice is to help your relationship flourish. Whilst relationships are complex in experience, the steps toward creating a healthy relationship are fairly straightforward.
​
With my guidance and support, you and your partner can learn the steps toward healthy relating, open expression and true vulnerability with one another.
​
There's no need to wait until the relationship is in crisis. Find the help you need and get excited about each other again!
What is Schema Therapy?
Schema Therapy for couples is a specialised form of therapy designed to help romantic partners change deeply rooted emotional patterns, called schemas, that negatively affect relationships.​ Everyone develops schemas, which are deeply held beliefs about the self and others. These beliefs are based on experiences of unmet emotional needs in childhood, which continue into adulthood and often get triggered in relationships.
These early experiences can include parents' separation, high expectations, emotional manipulation, school bullying, physical abuse, parental absence, among many others.​
Common schemas include Abandonment (relationships are not secure), Shame (there is something wrong with me), Mistrust/Abuse (I am not safe around loved ones), Emotional Deprivation (my needs are not important) and Social Isolation (I am different to others and don't fit in).
​
Whilst these beliefs can be true some of the time, our schemas make us believe that they are completely true ALL of the time. Couples can often develop what we call 'schema chemistry', which is where each partner's schema can activate or trigger the other partner's schema.
​For instance, one partner with an abandonment schema might become accusatory when their partner requests some alone time. Likewise, if the other partner has a mistrust/abuse schema, they might feel unsafe when accused and withdraw even more from the relationship.
​
During our sessions, we explore each partner's history, to better understand their childhood experiences and the development of their schemas. With this insight, we identify where these schemas are showing up in the relationship and work to shift each partner out of these skewed beliefs and into healthier, more balanced beliefs.
​
Through changing these beliefs, each partner learns to change their behaviours, becoming more vulnerable and honest with each other, and less defensive. This vulnerability gives each partner the power to express their needs directly, which ultimately alleviates the emotional difficulties within the relationship.
​
This helps couples feel more attuned, connected and supportive of each other, reigniting the spark and passion in the relationship.