Raphael Elisha MProfPsych, BPsychSc(Hons).
I am a registered psychologist with extensive training in couples therapy and trauma processing. I use Schema Therapy and EMDR to help people identify and change deeply ingrained behaviours and traumas that can interfere with the quality of their relationships.
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The goal of my practice is to help relationships flourish. I believe that if the spark was once present, it can be revived. It is a matter of overcoming defence mechanisms and other emotional blockages that are causing relationships to break down.
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With my guidance and support, you and your partner can learn the steps toward healthy relating, open expression and true vulnerability with one another.
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There's no need to wait until the relationship is in crisis. Find the help you need and get excited about each other again!
Schema Therapy
Schema Therapy for couples is a specialised form of therapy designed to help romantic partners change deeply rooted emotional patterns, called schemas, that negatively affect relationships.​ Everyone develops schemas, which are maladaptive, unhelpful beliefs we hold about ourselves. These beliefs are based on experiences of unmet emotional needs in childhood, which continue into adulthood and often get triggered in relationships.
Common schemas include Abandonment (relationships are not secure), Shame (there is something wrong with me), Mistrust/Abuse (I am not safe around loved ones), Emotional Deprivation (my needs are not important) and Social Isolation
(I am different to others and don't fit in).
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Whilst these beliefs can be true some of the time, our schemas make us believe that they are completely true ALL of the time. Couples can often develop what we call 'schema chemistry', which is where each partner's schema can activate or trigger the other partner's schema.
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Through changing these beliefs, each partner learns to change their behaviours, becoming more vulnerable and honest with each other, and less defensive. This vulnerability gives each partner the power to express their needs directly, which ultimately alleviates the emotional difficulties within the relationship.
EMDR
EMDR is specifically designed to help people process and move on from trauma. It works by helping the brain process traumatic events into long-term memory, where the event is no longer triggering and does not interrupt a person's nervous system.
When we experience a traumatic event, the fear centres in our brain activate and 'trap' the memory of that event in those fear centres. As a result, every time we are reminded of that event, it triggers those fear centres and we move into fight-or-flight mode, usually feeling unsafe and on guard.
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EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing, and works by mimicking the effects of REM sleep, which is when the brain processes memories into long-term storage. By recreating this movement in session, people can process their traumatic memories in real-time, often experiencing a significant decline in distress, fear and emotional pain as the process is carried out.
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For complex trauma or CPTSD, it is usually the case that multiple events have contributed to a person's sense of distress and discomfort over time. As a result, people may need to target several core memories to effectively manage and process their traumatic response and experience proper relief.